Battles Within Ourselves
by bookfish
Summary: My sequel to 'Gang Wars'- Caitlyn and Ponyboy are very happy with eachother until one little mistake one of them completely misunderstands ruins everything for them.
1. Cross' POV: Prologue

**A/N: My sequel to 'Gang Wars'! YAY! I've been wanting to write this FOREVER! But, before this very short introduction starts, let me apologize to some readers. You see, I put a poll up a couple of months ago asking what the sequel should be about 'cause I couldn't choose. But, no one voted. One day, I decided what it would be about, but when I went to delete my poll, SOMEONE HAD VOTED. And it WASN'T FOR MY CHOICE. So, I'm SO sorry for not writing about that choice, but I REALLY want to write about what I chose! **

**Oh, and if you haven't read 'Gang Wars' yet, I suggest that you do, otherwise you'll be REALLY confused while reading this! **

**Okay, now that that's out of the way… **

**Song for this chapter: "Never Think" by Robert Pattinson (this is a little confusing, I know, but I think it kind of fits, and it'll become easier to understand later in the story) **

I was so stupid. And lying there, I realized that.

What was wrong with me? It was an idiotic reaction to such a little mistake. How could I lose trust in him when it wasn't even his fault? I would slap myself, but the strength required wasn't there.

I saw his face run through my mind. The first time we met when he and the boys had saved me. His beautiful greenish-grey eyes I loved so much and his hair that was just beginning to get back to its colour before his life had changed forever. His face when it all ended, full of sadness, confusion, and other emotions.

And it was all because of me.

I knew as I lay there, dying, that I would never get the chance to apologize. I could never be able to apologize for the biggest mistake of my life.

On one hand, I would die and never be able to say sorry and make him feel better. On the other hand, I would be out of his life forever. And yes, that is the positive side of things, since he would never have to see or deal with me again.

I took a weak breath as I prepared for my death when I heard a voice call my name, almost from a million miles away;

"Caitlyn? Caitlyn, can you hear me?"

**A/N: So… that's pretty much it for this chapter. Please, don't jump to conclusions as to who called her name; you mind will probably change during the story, just so you know. I'll update as fast as I can because I'm on summer vacation, so it should be easy enough, right? Oh, and please remember to R&R and that I'm not S.E. Hinton and therefore I don't own 'The Outsiders', which I wish I did, but I don't. **


	2. Ponyboy's POV: A Promise Is Made

**A/N: My first actual chapter of this story, and I know it's a bit short, but don't worry about that for now. **

**Songs for this chapter: "Things I'll Never Say" by Avril Lavigne**

It was a typical Wednesday afternoon, walking home from school with Caitlyn by my side as the crisp autumn air hit my face. It was perfect, but there was one thing… Caitlyn. She'd been acting strange lately, and I was concerned that something was wrong; we'd been perfectly happy after that last rumble, but now, she seemed to be acting… not like herself. So, that day, I decided that I'd ask her. It took a long time, at least half the way home, to ask her.

"Caitlyn?" I suddenly asked.

"Yeah?" she responded casually, not aware of my seriousness.

"I need to ask you something…" my voice trailed off.

"What?" she piped up. This was strange… usually when I said something like this, she would go all serious and ask me what was wrong, but this was the opposite of that.

"What's wrong?"

"Huh?" she was confused, obviously.

"Well-" I started, but stopped. How can you tell somebody that they've been acting strange lately when you don't even know if they realise it? I didn't want to lose Caitlyn by telling her she was weird and break her heart. But, I knew I had to ask her, just in case…

" 'Well' what?" she questioned, as I wasn't aware that I'd been quiet for probably more than a minute.

"Well… you've been acting all, how do I put it… weird lately."

"Weird how?"

"Like now; usually you'd be all serious by now, but you're excited. And you're serious when you should be excited and piped up and everything." I paused as I thought of something to add. "I'm worried."

Now she was acting normal; she wore a look of concern on her face as she thought of what to say, her blue eyes deep in thought. Then, she finally said: "Yes, I guess I have been acting a bit strange lately… but Pony, you really should've told me you were worried…"

"But what I want to know is why you're acting so different." I told her.

"Uh… I haven't exactly told you because I'm…" she stopped on her tracks.

"You're what?" I asked her, urging her on. "Come on, I already told you about my feelings, now it's your turn."

She smiled her beautiful smile and said: "It's because I want some one-on-one time with you, you know?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, suddenly confused. "We're together all the time."

"Sure…" she agreed, "in school, and with the gang. But Pony, we haven't had any real one-on-one time together, like a special date…"

"A special date?"

"Yeah. You know…" she thought for a minute before continuing, "like taking me out for dinner at some place other than The Dingo and taking me to a movie that isn't always about swing dancing or girls in bikinis… a real movie, one that has a real story behind it and not just beaches."

"Oh, you mean that kind of date…" I replied. I thought about it for a minute. I'd always wanted to take her to that kind of date; she deserved it, I loved her. I just never really thought she'd dig that sort of thing or that I could even afford it, but if she wanted it, she should have it. "Then, if that's what's been bothering you and if that's what you want, then maybe we should go on one."

She looked surprised. "Really? Are... are you sure you can even afford it?" she asked.

"Sure I can, I'll just ask Darry for some money and maybe even do some extra work around the house…"

"That's what I'm worried about," she told me. "I don't want you to have to ask Darry for money or do extra work for me."

"Come on, Caitlyn. I agree; I want some more one-on-one time, too, and I want it soon."

"How soon?" she asked me.

"Maybe… this Friday?"

"Friday? But, Ponyboy, that's only two days away…"

"I can make it, alright?" I suddenly placed both my hands on her shoulders. "You do trust me, don't you?"

She didn't talk for a few minutes, then said "Yes, I do." Then, the smiled and we continued walking. I put my arm around her and she put her head on my shoulder, and all I could think was _I hope I'm right..._

**A/N: Okay, short chapter, I know, but they'll get longer, don't worry. Just remember to keep updated fairly often because I'm on summer vacation, so I'll be updating quickly! :D **

**Please remember to R&R! ;) **


	3. Cross' POV: A Very Reassuring Phone Call

**A/N: Okay, people, it's time for CHAPTER NUMBER 3! (or 2, I'm still confused :P) **

**I finished this chapter over a week ago (but didn't edit till yesterday), so why not edit and update right afterwards? Well… TODAY'S MY BIRTHDAY! :D Since it was coming up soon, I thought 'What the heck! Might as well!' so here we are! **

**Just so you know, I made a REALLY lame restaurant name here… so please, try to remember not to ask you parents/family/date to take you to the local 'Italini's' because I'm pretty sure it doesn't exist. **

**Songs for this chapter: Sorry, no songs here. It's a short chapter, it's pretty much only a phone call, even though it shows her excitement. Still, there's not really any song that can go along with it. Sorry! **

I felt amazing… I had finally gotten a chance to tell Ponyboy that I wanted a special date, with just him and I.

As we walked home together, I couldn't help but smile and think of what it would be like. Me in a beautiful dress, maybe blue, and he would wear a formal jacket and we would eat dinner in a restaurant that didn't serve pop and Coke. Maybe we'd go to a movie, a real movie and not just one of those beach ones I'd mentioned to him. It would be so romantic… just us… us and no one else…

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow, Caitlyn," Ponyboy's voice broke into my thoughts. I was snapped back to reality and was forced to wait a little longer.

"Okay, I'll see you at school, Pony," I told him as he leaned in for a kiss and said good bye once more and started walking home. I went inside, said hi to Rook, walked up to my room, and started working on my homework, which was English and Math. It took forever to do so, though, since my mind was still focused on our conversation we had and what our date would be like…

My thoughts were interrupted by a phone ringing. I decided that Rook could get it until she yelled "Caitlyn! It's for you!"

"I'm coming!" I yelled back as I got up and walked downstairs to receive the phone from my sister. "Who is it?" I asked.

"Ponyboy." She replied plainly as she handed the phone to me and walked away to leave me and Pony some privacy.

"Hi, Pony, what's up?" I asked after I held the phone to my ear.

"I just wanted to talk to you about our date," his voice answered through the phone.

"What about it?"

"Where do you wanna go for dinner?" he asked. I paused, thinking; I hadn't given the restaurant much thought. I knew what I wanted, just not where. After a few minutes of silence and thinking, though, he started talking again. "How's about that place by the West Side? The Italian one?"

"Italini's?" I asked, confused.

"Yeah."

"I don't know… it's supposed to be really expensive…" I hesitated, but Ponyboy interrupted me for about the 3rd time that day.

"I told you, Caitlyn, whatever you want. I'll work on it, it's okay. I can get more money," he assured me.

"Uh…" I said as I thought more about it. It really was an expensive place, hardly any place for a greaser to be, especially Ponyboy. They were downright poor; Soda had to drop out of school to make sure Pony could go. But then again, imagine how he would feel if I refused the offer…

"Fine. I'll go," I agreed. "But nothing too expensive."

"Don't worry, it'll be fine, I can get some money."

"Yeah, okay," I agreed, feeling about a hundred times better. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay. Bye."

"Bye." And I hung up.

I put the phone down on the table beside me, feeling very assured. Then I walked back upstairs with the feeling of weight being taken off my shoulders, until I saw my homework again. Then I sighed and said to myself "At least I'm going on a real date in two days," then sat back down and started on my homework again.

**A/N: Grr. I hate my inability to create long chapters! **

… **and my inability to create Italian Restaurant names. :P **

**Anyways, please R&R and ignore these things that I fail to do. :) **


	4. Ponyboy POV: Getting Ready

**A/N: Hey, hey! I'm so sorry I haven't updated for a while, but I'll explain that later. Right now it's time for the songs! :D **

**Songs for this chapter: Uh… let me get back to you on that. *thinks of songs and looks on ipod, only to see that I can't find anything for the chapter* uh… what are you all waiting for? It's time to read the chapter! *smiles nervously* **

"Hey, Darry," I called to him while I was cleaning Soda's and my room. It was the afternoon before my date with Caitlyn, and I had been working my butt off, but I forgot to tell him about it so I could get some money. So, now was the time to tell him. I guess I'm a bit of a procrastinator sometimes.

"Yeah, Ponyboy?" he said as he walked into the room from behind me.

"I forgot to tell you… why do you think I'm doing all this work around the house?" I hinted.

"Well… I thought you were just helping around the house, but okay, why have you been doing all this work around the house?" he asked as he crossed his arms.

"Caitlyn and I kinda… have a date. And I need more money. I was wondering if you would give me some extra money for it?"

"As long as it's not tonight, sure." He told me.

"Okay, gr- wait, why can't it be tonight?" I asked him curiously.

"Don't you remember? The people from the state are coming tonight to check up on us. We all have to be here tonight. Why?"

"Oh, no reason at all, really… but I need to know: what should I wear? Something casual, formal, what?"

"Wear whatever will fit the date." He told me simply.

"No, I mean for the people from the state." I told him, slightly embarrassed.

"Wear whatever you usually wear. Is something wrong, Ponyboy?" he asked me, slightly curious.

"Nothing, nothing really."

"Ponyboy, something's wrong. Tell me." He demanded sternly.

"Nothing's wrong, now leave me alone so I can get ready for the people from the state." I told him, my voice rising with frustration and anger.

"Alright, fine. I don't want to start a fight. Remember what Soda said?" he ended as he walked out.

"I'm sorry, Darry. I'm just a little stressed right now, that's all." I told him as he walked out.

"You don't have to be stressed out over this, Ponyboy. Now I have to go get ready." And he was gone.

I couldn't believe it. I just couldn't believe it. She was probably already going to the restaurant; we'd agreed to meet each other there. I couldn't call her, because I didn't know if she was there already, and if she was, I didn't know the phone number of the restaurant. Heck, I didn't even know if they had one in the first place. I could only sit there, dazed, trying to figure this all out. Then, suddenly, Soda came in.

"Hey, Pony," He said in that voice that he only uses when he knows something's wrong. Darry probably sent him in, because Soda had no other reason to be in there at the time, and he was certainly ready for the people from the state: he took a shower and I could see there wasn't any grease in his hair at all, which was combed to the side neatly. He looked a little like he did for the hearing we had after Johnny's death. Actually, his hair looked exactly the same, but he was wearing a different shirt; it was pale blue and had a flip-up collar on it, which at the moment was flipped down. I had never seen him wear it before.

"Hi, Soda," I replied. "Look, I know why you're here. Darry sent you in. Nothing's wrong, I already told Darry that."

"Ponyboy, there's something wrong, and I know it. You can tell me anything, come on," he tried. But I was annoyed then.

"No, Soda, nothing's wrong, okay? Now leave me alone so that I can get ready for my- the people from the state." I told him sternly, and my voice wavered a little for fear that he would guess that something really was wrong. But he didn't suspect a thing- instead, he volunteered to help me with getting ready. I greatly accepted, because honestly, I didn't feel like getting prepped up without any help.

That night would be the worst of my life.

**A/N: Okay, so again I'm sorry for not updating very much lately. August has been a busy month for me. I mean, come on, my birthday, my sister's birthday, visiting my cousins and just being generally busy. And it was REALLY hard figuring out what should happen to Ponyboy here. **

**Please remember to R&R, though! :D Every good review makes me happy! :D Okay, I know that was a little lame, but whatever. :) **


	5. Cross' POV: Waiting

**A/N: Okay, my 4****th**** official chapter (I think… or is it my 5****th****? I'm still confused :P)**

**Songs for this chapter: "I'm With You" by Avril Lavigne **

"**Don't Forget" by Demi Lovato **

**Enjoy! :) **

"Are you sure I look okay?" I asked Alice when she had finished my hair and makeup for my date with Ponyboy.

"You tell me," she told me for about the millionth time. I'd already seen what I looked like, and I thought it was alright, but I didn't know if it was good enough, if there was anything else I needed to do. Don't get me wrong; I loved it, but would Pony like it? I looked into the mirror in the bathroom again to see not me, but a girl who had mascara on, which I hardly ever wore, with her hair in a complicated, but beautiful bun, wearing a beautiful dark blue dress with a v-neck, short sleeves that ended at the end of my shoulders, and went down to my ankles.

"If you like it, I'm sure he'll love it." Alice informed me. Since there wasn't much time left to do any last minute work, I had to accept this fact and have Rook drive me to the restaurant.

"Call us when the date's done, okay?" Rook told me again. I nodded, too nervous to speak, and walked to the bench by the restaurant. Then I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

What was happening? Why wasn't he here yet? I told myself to keep waiting, he was probably just late. Ten minutes late.

Half an hour.

An hour.

I checked my watch for the third time in two minutes. He still wasn't here yet. Why? What could be going on right now? This was nothing of what I expected 'our' night to be like. I was soaked since it had started to rain half an hour before, I was starving, and worst of all, Ponyboy wasn't there. I finally accepted that he wasn't going to come and started crying. It didn't matter, anyway. I didn't care if people saw, and besides, my mascara had already started running from the rain. It was hard to believe that just an hour ago, I was excited to spend a special night with just me and Ponyboy, and an hour later, there I was, crying my eyes out because of his absence. I had been worried for nothing. I had gotten ready for nothing. And then I realised, I had loved for nothing.

I walked off, heartbroken, into the night looking for a payphone. When I found one, I deposited the money and dialled my home phone number.

"Hello?" my sister's voice answered.

"Hi," I replied, "it's me, Caitlyn. The date's over."

"How can it be over? It's only been an hour."

"Just pick me up, I'll be at the restaurant. If I'm not there, keep waiting. I'm bound to show up." I instructed.

"Is something wrong, Caitlyn?" Rook asked.

"No, nothing's wrong. Just pick me up, okay?"

"Alright, I will. See you in a few minutes." She told me.

"Okay. See you there." And I hung up. I tried to avoid looking at other people's faces while I also avoided crying as I walked back. I couldn't believe he would stand me up like that. That just goes to show I trust too many people. When I got back, Rook was there, with a shocked look on her face when she saw me.

"Caitlyn! What happened?"

"Nothing. At all. Just sitting and waiting."

"Come inside and I'll get you home to get dried off, okay?"

"Alright." I agreed and sat in the back seat. I was then that I remembered my first kiss with Ponyboy. It was in the rain.

Who knew that my happiest moment would be so familiar to my worst?

**A/N: Okay, so I didn't want to leave you hanging, and I was bored, so I wrote this chapter, knowing what I wanted. I know it's on the same day I updated the last chapter, but whatever. :) **

**Please don't forget to leave your wonderful reviews for me! :D **


	6. Ponyboy's POV: My Worst Night

**A/N: This chapter had WAY more emotion than the other chapters have so far, so I hope you like it! **

**Songs for this chapter: "Take Me Away" by Avril Lavigne **

"**When You're Gone" by Avril Lavigne **

"**Perfect World" by Simple Plan **

I was right. That night was the worst one of my life.

First off, I stammered, and whenever I was asked a question, I didn't know what to say because I wasn't listening. I got a headache and my stomach hurt, and I didn't have much of an appetite that evening. I could only play with my food and think about Caitlyn. When they asked me what was wrong, I said nothing because I didn't want to worry them, because, well, they were powerful people, and if they thought something was up with Darry, well, you know. And if I told them about my problems, well, that would just be awkward. So I decided to stay quiet.

After they left, though, was a different story.

Darry had just closed the door. He then turned and faced me, too many emotions to count on his face. "Ponyboy, what's wrong?"

"Darry, I told you, and the people from the state, that _nothing's wrong_," I told him, trying to sound frustrated instead of upset.

"Ponyboy Michael Curtis, something's wrong and I know it. You have to tell someone…"

"What if there _is_ nothing wrong, huh? Ever think of that? And besides, if something was wrong, I wouldn't go to you. Do you really think I would?" I questioned him, my voice rising again. To be honest, I didn't have to fake it.

There was hurt in his eyes, I could see it from where I was standing. "Don't you lie to me, boy…"

"I'M NOT LYING!" I suddenly yelled, the anger finally getting the best of me.

"DON'T YOU USE THAT TONE OF VOICE ON ME!" Darry yelled back, apparently not able to stay calm, either.

"I. DON'T. _CARE_!" I nearly screamed at the top of my lungs.

Darry seemed dumfounded by this and didn't know what to say to it. He seemed to be looking at something, but what…

I turned and saw what he was looking at.

It was Soda. He just stood there, a blank look on his face. He seemed upset, but he was too frozen to run. I didn't know what to do at this point. I just stared at him, thinking, thinking hard, before I made a run for it.

I bolted past Darry and out the door before they could figure out what was going on. I hardly knew what was happening, either, except that I needed to run. It was what I needed to do. What I needed to get away from those faces, to get away from the pain in the house. To get away from being asked questions and demanded answers. This was all I knew.

Suddenly, I stopped. But why? My senses came to me and I realised that I'd run for blocks and blocks and ended up at the fountain in the park. The same fountain I was nearly drowned in just over a month ago…

I broke down at the memory of that night. I couldn't take it, I just couldn't take it. I couldn't take the memory of Johnny killing Bob to save me, which brought on more memories of him, bringing on memories of Caitlyn, being so like Johnny. I couldn't take the fact that I missed our special date, not knowing how she would react. It was so important to her, and I'd ruined it. I'd ruined it all.

I was crying, using the fountain for support, when Darry and Soda caught me. I felt so broken, yet I could not tell them… I couldn't even tell them after Soda held me like he held Johnny and asked "What's wrong, Pony?" in that same voice he used to talk to Johnny that day he was beat to a pulp. Johnny…

I cried even more and couldn't tell what was happening. I think that one of them said "I think he just needs some rest." before I was taken home in Darry's arms. I was put to bed, tucked in, and fell asleep.

It was horrible. I had a nightmare of all of the worst things in my life. The worst things that would happen to me…

First it was my parents. I was at their funeral, watching us. I watched Darry stand there while Soda and I bawled our eyes out. I saw their graves. I saw everything, and seeing my brothers so upset hurt me, but I couldn't do anything. Then I saw some of the worst fights Darry and I had. And I saw that every time, Soda was there, a sad look on his face, and sometimes he would even walk out of room and nobody would notice until the fight was over. I couldn't do anything, and I felt so guilty for fighting with Darry that night. After that I saw the fight in the park, I saw the whole thing. I saw Johnny fighting for me, screaming bloody murder at them as they ran away, then I saw him pull me up and try to wake me. When that didn't work, he sat by the fountain to observe what he'd just done. I never thought he'd do it like that, that he was tough enough to even do that. To me, he was always sweet, quiet Johnnycake. Then I saw the days of the church, the fire, the nightmare I had, the one I didn't remember, which I still didn't recall, the rumble, Johnny's death, Dally breaking down and deciding to die himself. Everything. I saw everything.

And then I saw Caitlyn.

She was beautiful as ever when I saw the scene when we first met. I saw every happy and sad memory of us. I saw our kiss in the rain, I saw her getting beat up for me, I saw that Soc cutting up her leg, her passing out, her in the hospital, the dance, but then, of course, I saw myself making that promise to her. Then I saw her, what I'd imagined happened. I saw her at the restaurant, waiting, then crying and yelling when she'd got home. I wonder what she was doing now…

Suddenly, I woke up. My pillow was soaked with sweat, I was breathing heavily and I was shaking like a leaf. I looked beside me. There was Sodapop, dead to the world. His arm was around me and he was peacefully asleep. I guess I hadn't screamed. But I crawled under his arm more securely and stayed there for who knows how long until I fell asleep again.

I hoped I wouldn't have that nightmare again. And, most importantly, I hoped none of it was true.

**A/N: Aww, poor Ponyboy. :( I hate it when I have to do this to the characters, but for the sake of the story, I must. **

**Okay, so I hoped you enjoyed that chapter. It was hard to plan out. I hope you keep on giving me those wonderful reviews! :D **


	7. Cross' POV: Nightmares

**A/N: Hello, all! I hope you enjoy this chapter, but it's probably not my best. I'll explain later. And I'm SO sorry for not updating for… over a month, or something like that anyway… I've been feeling stressed lately and I've been really busy. You won't believe, I mean, I've been DYING to update! **

**Songs for this chapter: OMG I don't think I should put them in here just in case it gives too much away (I'll probably already to that, though) but I'll put them in the next chapter, k? K! :D **

It was truly the worst night of my life. And I knew what I had to do.

I just didn't want to do it.

Who would? Who would want to do it to that poor, sweet, innocent boy that I loved so much?

But of course, after that night, I learned one thing: he did not keep promises.

So I had to do it. Just after some rest.

It was late when I got home, and I declined my sister's offer of food despite the rumbling in my stomach and went upstairs. I quickly dried off and got changed into my pyjamas before looking at my homework. After a few minutes, though, I decided that I couldn't concentrate and went to sleep. It was then that I realised that I was silently crying, and I continued to do so until I fell asleep, with all sorts of dreams and thoughts buzzing in my head.

In the first dream, I was in a dark place. No walls, no windows, nothing. It was hard to see, but somehow I could still see. I found myself walking silently, feeling, what was it… upset? Angry? Scared? All three? And then, I realised I heard footsteps behind me and somebody begging silently. I turned around and found Ponyboy there, sadness clearly on his face.

"Caitlyn…" He whispered longingly.

"I already told you, Ponyboy, I'm-"

"No! Caitlyn, if you'll just listen to me…"

"I don't need to listen, you need to!" I cut in, an edge clearly in my voice. "You didn't keep your promise. This may sound like kid stuff, but really, Ponyboy, this date was important to me, and you know it! I waited over an hour, Pony, and I still had faith in you! Well, I guess I know better now, because you know what's gonna happen."

"Caitlyn, you don't understand-"

"Oh, I understand alright. What happened, Pony?" – my voice was mockingly sweet – "Were you hanging out with the boys and forget the time? Did you have too much homework? Was there some other girl? A Soc, maybe? Don't look at me like that!" – he looked confused – "Remember Cherry? That cute little Soc that you and Johnny picked up at the movies? The one with Marcia? Remember her? I know you can do it again, Pony, and you're good enough to do it by yourself! I never thought I would do this, but-"

"Caitlyn, no-"

The dream ended there because I suddenly woke up with a start, but after maybe ten minutes of heavy breathing, confusion, continuous pinching of myself, pulling my own hair, and telling myself it was nothing, I fell into unconsciousness again.

The second dream came next. This time, I was alone, crying, Ponyboy with me, but instead of comforting me, he was mocking me.

"It's your fault, Caitlyn. You're the one that decided to do it. You just had to have your little date, didn't you?"

"Ponyboy, it was a mistake, I-"

"It was no mistake! And now, I'm no longer here for you, you're on your own. It's your own choice, Caitlyn, and you've chosen wrong."

He left and I continued crying until the sky turned black, and instead of a moon and stars, there was only blackness and a strong wind. I was being sucked up, until, until…

"Caitlyn, wake up!" My sister's voice yelled from downstairs. "I've got breakfast here for you, you've gotta eat something!"

My eyes snapped open and the smells of breakfast filled my nose. The smell made my mouth water and I remembered that the last time I ate was lunch the day before. I quickly got changed and started for the stairs until I remembered something I had to do.

"Ponyboy…" I whispered under my breath as I picked up the nearest phone. I dialled Ponyboy's number and Darry picked up.

"Hello?" his voice answered.

"Hi, Darry, can I talk to Ponyboy please?" I asked quickly.

"Sure. Just a minute," he walked off and soon after, Ponyboy picked up the phone. "Hey, Caitlyn, listen…"

"We need to talk at the park later, okay? I'll meet you there, and please be by yourself, Ponyboy. I need to tell you something," I interrupted.

"Okay, I'll see you later, then?"

"After breakfast." I answered his unasked question.

"Okay. Bye."

"Bye." And I hung up.

It was hard to eat breakfast that day.

**A/N: Okay, okay, not my best, I know, but the next chapter has to be in Ponyboy's POV. By what this chapter says, you may already guess what's gonna happen, and if you do, please… **

**1. Don't put it in a review. Someone else may not get it will be mad at you if you do. **

**2. Forgive me. I know it's pretty obvious, but hey, what am I supposed to do? You try to do better! **

**So yeah. That's pretty much it. Don't forget to R&R! If you don't have an account, you can always give an anonymous review! But please, be positive in the review and don't fuss over the little things, if that's okay with you, okay? **

**Thx! :D **


	8. Ponyboy's POV: Oh, No, Am I PMSing?

**A/N: Okay, before we start off, let me just tell you that I'm SUPER SORRY about not updating in, well... a very long time. Let me tell you what I've been up to: **

**1. End of term (UGH!)**

**2. TWO tests the day after a band concert for school! **

**3. Going to a MARIANAS TRENCH CONCERT! :D :D :D :D! It was AMAZING and I just wanna live that night again! :D **

**4. I'm sick :( **

**So I hope you guys can forgive me, and I'm doing the songs for this chapter at the end so I don't accidentally give anything away. :) **

"Caitlyn, wait-" I suddenly blurted out, but it was too late. She'd already hung up. I swore under my breath and slammed the phone into the receiver.

"Ponyboy, you'd better come and get your breakfast, or else Soda might gorge it down," Darry called.

"I won't!" I heard Soda's voice cut in defensively.

"I'm coming!" I told them. I walked over to the dining room while mumbling under my breath "You _idiot_, Ponyboy! What have you _done_?"

"Here, have some bacon," Soda's voice broke me off as he shoved a plate full of bacon to me.

"No thanks," I snapped.

"Are you sure you don't want any?" he asked in a playful voice. It sickened me.

"I'm sure!" I told him.

"Somebody's PMSing," he said to himself. I was about to say something, but decided to keep my trap shut. I didn't need to be told I was in a mood at the moment. The only thing that really mattered to me was the fact that what I feared most was probably about to happen. I gulped and felt slightly nauseous.

I was forced to eat against my will that morning. I decided that I would have a bowl of cereal. I was constantly stared at by Soda and Darry with strange looks on their faces all through breakfast. I tried not to think a thing about it, but I still felt uncomfortable. It was hard not to yell in their faces, let me tell you, but I coped with it anyway. When I was finally finished, I decided to skip the rest of the morning routines and told the others I needed to go somewhere.

"But what about-"

"I'm not in the mood," I interrupted Soda.

"Alright, do what you need to do," Darry said. "Come on, Soda, let's go do the dishes."

Soda gave me a long look, a look of concern, but turned to go with Darry anyway. I went to change, and I guess you could say that I was a bit nervous, seeing as I put my clothes on completely wrong and took about five minutes to figure out my socks and had a hard time getting my shoes on right, but I got it in the end. I slammed the door behind me and started for the park.

The walk there seemed to go on forever and I sweating something fierce, even though it was getting close to winter. I could see my breath escaping from my lips in front of my face. I shivered and walked faster, my clammy hands stuffed into my pockets. My eyes jumped around everywhere, almost as if I was waiting to get mugged. My head started pounding and I felt dizzy. I closed my eyes for a minute or two, and I hadn't realized until I opened them that I was in the park. I looked around nervously when I saw Caitlyn sitting on a park bench, looking down at her feet, her hair covering her face. I walked over and said her name. "Caitlyn?"

She looked up. "Ponyboy?"

"Yeah..." I responded. "Look, is there something wrong?"

"Well... Ponyboy, I really don't know how to say this..."

"No... please, no, I'm sorry, Caitlyn, please, let me explain..." I started to beg, realizing what was about to happen. She looked at me, and there was a pained look in her eyes, and I had a feeling that she'd somehow known this was about to happen.

"I'm sorry, Ponyboy..." her voice broke as she said this, "but... oh, I'm so sorry..."

"Caitlyn, no, please, I'll do better next time!" I pleaded.

"There won't be a next time, Ponyboy. You hurt me, and it's time to go... I'm so sorry, Ponyboy, but this is for our own good..." she was crying by now.

"No!" I cried. "No, no, no! Caitlyn, please, don't let it end, please, please, please..."

"No, Ponyboy, it _has_ to end. You promised me something important, and you broke that promise, and I'm terribly sorry about this, but..." - she took a deep breath - "goodbye, Ponyboy," and at that, she got up and started walking away, still crying. She placed her head in her hands as she walked. She seemed to walk faster than usual, as if she was trying to get away from something. She continued to speed up until she broke into a run. I couldn't stand it anymore and started walking back home.

I could still hear her soft weeps as I walked... well, not like she was there with me, but you get the idea. As I walked through the door, I was asked by my two brothers what was wrong, and I only shrugged in response. When they didn't stop, I told them I only needed to go to my room and think for a bit. They finally laid off me and let me be. All I could think about was what she said and what she did... my pleading, her crying... 'this is for our own good', as she'd said, as if we were still one... what did that mean? I didn't know, and I was too tired to bother figuring it out. I stayed in my room for a long time.

I passed the time by doing homework, which I'd finished pretty fast. I didn't have much to do in the first place, and when I picked up any book, I found that I couldn't read it. I just couldn't. So I spent most of the time just thinking. After a while, there was a knock on the door.

"Ponyboy? Can I come in?" a familiar voice asked.

"Yeah," I answered. "It's half your room, remember?"

"Oh, right," Soda said as he came in. "I guess I'm just a bit tired today."

"_You're_ tired? How do you think I feel?" I questioned. It took a moment for me to realize how stupid that was, so I quickly added "Sorry" to that statement.

"You shouldn't be," he told me. "You look like you've been through a rough day, can you tell me what's going on?"

"I don't know..." I started, but I soon realized how stupid it was to think they wouldn't find out sooner or later, so I sighed and said "it's Caitlyn."

"She was on the phone this morning, wasn't she?" he asked me.

"Yeah, and she wanted to talk at the park."

"So that's where you went?"

"Yeah," I answered.

"What did you guys talk about?"

I looked up at him, his brown eyes flooded with concern. "Well... let's just say that she probably won't come 'round here anymore..." my voice choked off, the knot in my throat too great to bear.

"You don't mean..." his voice trailed off. I was only able to nod. "Oh, Ponyboy... I can't believe it..." he sat down beside me and pulled his arms around me in an embrace. His hold was so firm and knowing...

It wasn't before long that I was bawling my eyes out. At that moment, I really did feel like a girl who was PMSing like Soda had said that morning. Let me tell you, that didn't make me feel too hot, but what was I to do? I loved her, and now... she was gone. Forever.

We stayed that way for a few minutes until Soda pulled back and said "Come on, I bet you're hungry. You skipped lunch and ate way less than usual at breakfast." he smiled.

It was then that I realized my stomach was rumbling. "Yeah, I guess I am a bit hungry," I told him. He helped me up and we walked over to dinner together where Darry was waiting. He looked like he was about to say something, but he stopped at the sight of my face.

"What's goin' on?" Darry asked. I sat down as Soda told him. Darry turned to me, but I raised my hand to stop him and Soda told him I probably didn't want to talk.

Despite of how hungry I was, I didn't have much of an appetite that night. I didn't even finish my dinner and as soon as I was done with eating, I walked straight to bed and lay down, staring out the window. When Soda came in, I pretended to be asleep. He lay down beside me, wrapped his arms around me, and whispered in my ear "I know you're not asleep. You'd think I'd know after all we've been through together." Before I could comment, he continued. "Just get some rest, don't worry. We'll get ya through it."

In a moment I could hear his steady breathing and I lay there, staring at the wall, for what seemed to be a long time.

**A/N: Okay, this is probably not my best AT ALL, but I'm sick at the moment. Sorry if it was a little cheesy. Again, I'm SO SO SORRY about not updating in FOREVER, but as I said I've been REALLY busy lately. **

**Now it's time for the songs for BOTH chapters 7 AND 8: **

**Ch. 7: **

"**Haunted" by Taylor Swift **

"**Breathe" by Taylor Swift **

**Alright, I know I'm getting a bit outta touch and I'm not using as many artists, but just so you know I won't accept ANY comments insulting Taylor Swift here, in case you don't like her. I know there's some people out there like that but I'm not in the mood to hear it, so... yeah! **

**Ch. 8: **

"**Fix Me" by Marianas Trench? (Okay, not so sure about that one. It MIGHT be good for chapter 6, though? * shrugs *) **

**Well, that's it for now! Can't wait till I can work on the next chapter! :D **

**Oh, and remember to keep the reviews POSITIVE. But if you have any writing advice, let me know NICELY and I'll accept it. :) **


	9. Author's Note

Hey, all!

As you may have noticed, this is an author's note chapter. I'm posting this to let you know that I'm cancelling this story, but only for a bit. It's just that I have a couple ideas that I've been dying to work on for a while now, and it's getting hard for me to concentrate on this story. Sorry about this, but sometimes when I have an idea that just won't stop nagging at me, I just have to work on it. Also, I've been working on this other project just for fun and I've hadly had any time to do much when it comes to fanfiction lately!

Again, I'm really, _really _sorry about this. I can't say it enough! I just hope I can be forgiven, and if you want to know when I post the next chaper ASAP, just put this story on your alerts, if you would like. :)

Thanks for reading!

love, bookfish 3


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